Bull crap love life

I just got out of my John rabbit hole yesterday. it happened when I was anylzing all our conversations.  I actually was on verge of chatting with him again and, true to nates anaylsis of me, bargain myself back to his grace. Luckily, I still had some common sense and stop. It made me think:

Why would I go and try to wiggle back when he is giving so much BS to rationalize his "very critical"  yardstick for me. And those lousy excuses actually. All those jokes..and even though if I was hinting about somethings it was like a chocolate bar, you know it has shitload of calories and it was clearly written on the wrapper, you still will gonna bite the hell out it. Unless...you freaking don't like chocolate. So there he was pointing such BS things. With a BS logic. With BS attitude. 

BS BS BS BS. 

Okay, let's give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he does got uncomfortable...but the whole fucking nature of the getting-to-know stage is to established boundaries. BECAUSE WE DON'T FREAKING KNOW ANY SHIT ABOUT EACH OTHER. putangina. You need to communicate. And the biggest BS is, he only explained when I asked. And when I was batting the logical questions into inquisitive bullets, he excused himself for having so mucb stuff on his plate so he is very particular of his time. (Arrf, BS). So, I have another BS rationalization with the "words are very important to me"

BS. You are i to words vut you don't know how to use them. 

BS.

And you know what, I apologized. 

It was a Pontius Pilate move, but I don't care. My hands are washed and whatever will happen later, 

Anyway, I am detoxing from that shit. And I want to practice journalling as one of my outlet available for these screaming thoughts in my head. 

9/4/24 1:08 AM