My cup of grace number 2

I have been thinking of so many things right now and I have been pondering the what's, the how's, and the when's of every facet of  my life. I never asked  they Why's since I never actually had the balls and logic to ask. "You play the cards you are dealt with" has always been my battle cry.
Things have really tough for me and rather than crying and  feeling the big self pity as my former self would have, I am striving everyday the moment I open my small round eyes. 

So applause for that.
🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌

Anyway I would like to believe that for every fighter, there should be a coup de grace since it would be more human to fight for something that one have chosen rather than a pre-selected context.
and like any knight, I have one actually two but I want to talk about Carl who is also yes, a guy.
🙊🙊🙊🙊

But don't get me wrong, we are not in a relationship nor he is inane imaginary product of my loins.
He is real and we have spoken quite a few times. Actually since the 6th of November. It was a pretty mundane conversation and more of me asking questions and him directly answering them like an Hollywood interview set-up.  I find it cute and charming that he does put up with my verbose style but he did pointed out that he would rather have a rapid simple on liners. very much of insipid chat rooms the GEN XY have. And since I do want to prolong this sweet convo from a stalker's point of view I did shift to his desired mode.


So now I am waiting for him to reply back....being me as a stalker again.

hahahahaha

It has been awhile

Dear Honesto, 

How are you? 

I would like to apologize for not writing for a long time. It has been years, wasn't it? 

I was running through our conversation and it great was surprise that last was July 13, 2018!

There has been a lot of things that have happened during our lull moments. Don't worry I will tell you one thing at a time until you have totally catch-up with my life. 😅 

I am currently in Italy pursuing my Ph.D. in Genetics and Molecular Biology. I am specializing in Plant Molecular Biology of which I know you have expected knowing so much about me. But humor me, can you guess, who is my adviser of my program? 

It is Dr. Anca Macovei! My bad, she is Prof. Macovei. She received her professor term last March this year.

I am unsure if you remember her, but she also worked in IRRI back in the day. I have to admit l though, She changed a lot compared to then. Or maybe she was like this even before? I am not entirely sure because people constantly change Honesto. I may be wrong about my presumptions since we never had that much interaction during her Post Doctoral stint in IRRI.  We belong to the same lab but have no overlaps with experiments. 

Honesto, now that we have had a daily rapport for two years since I came here in the university,  I just realized how strong her personality is. And I somehow find her crossed with me most of the time. Don't worry, I have learned to keep myself composed after many incidents with her. But she did break me the last time she yelled at me for writing badly. It was about a poster for the ISSS conference in Paris France. 

She doesn't take heed of her words like Ma'am Inez does. She doesn't think twice to rebuke me with her striking words just because of a wrong expression or when I commit mistakes with my work, especially concerned with my writing.  There were a lot of things going through my mind at that time Honesto. My last oral exam for Human Genetics and Pathology class was due (and you know this is not my forte); I am rushing things with work because I have to graduate and the seeds from IRRI just came last June, and lastly, there big scare of me graduating without a job of which you know is extremely unsettling because my family needs support. So does Malou, Badeth, and Eju. It made dumb and unfocused. And she saw that and it made her really volatile. That memory was so clear, she spoke with me in a very condescending way. while scratching her head with so much annoyance. Was it annoyance or disgust. It scared me so much and made me cry which further aggravated the situation.  

...Those were the days I wish I was Adriano. I have never seen him in a similar situation.  And honestly, I am unequivocally envious. 

But don't get me wrong Honesto. She is not vile like Prof. Layeta Bucoy. I just find it unsettling.  It makes me ask myself if I am a terrible student. If I am really stupid. and If I am really insipid and vapid. If there was no hope and will I ever be at least an okay student that she can work with.   

Then again Honesto, maybe, I am sincerely hoping that this is her way of mentoring me.

...So I am requesting help from you, my friend. Please help provide assistance that I may develop more grit. More patience. A more inquisitive persona. 

I submitted to her my Results and Discussion part this morning at 7:30 AM today and I have not received any notification from her. I will give her more time until then so I will be writing the other parts of my thesis to finish the complete draft. Wish me luck Honesto!

I hope to hear from you again soon. 

Have to go now and pick up my laundry. 

Below is my usual view of my room here in Collegio Golgi. 

I can wait to go back to Collegio Volta soon. 

Sincerely, 

Blue. 

a perspective from 458. 

Do I have a new life? 

Or is this another knife, 

that will just be my strife?

But all in all with this might, 

I am proud to say that this is MY life. 

Attack on the chinese douche bags

The Chinese, like us Filipinos, are ubiquitous and constantly coupling with other races that one will definitely find in their family a hint of those Mongoloids.
But unlike Filipinos, the Chinese have an innate knack for business that most of them are above average, rich, or even filthy rich.

Unfortunately, I had a sexual-love experience with two of them of which now I find as an complete abomination.  For I have a badge of honor and numerous accomplishments but these pathetic nincompoop are either parasitic or douche bag.

They would profess their love today with such solace and sweetness that could turn a sourdough into a bunt cake; Then toss you the next day like a day old bread not even fit for croutons well peppered with lies and excuses that will surmount to "Its your fault".

They have uncouth mouths that would sputter sonnets that keeps the mead flowing from aged caskets bu at the same time splutter you with unkind words and whimsical arrogance that would turn honey into a deathly hemlock.

They will NEVER ever apologise for they  are only being objective and cares for the whole well being of the situation.
They are in fact being "kind" and "considerate" of you since what they have is what makes them be.

And lastly for the most terrible note, they are very fond of people based on conveniences.
My way, in My time, and in My conditions.

Shamefully I have succumb to two of the same character. It it quite a terrible malady but still I have to accept since they were my choices.

 And Yes, this entry is a my deliberate attack of hate but I do want to employ what was said in Sociology that there is an effect of the cultural imprint in one's behaviour.

And that is that.

A new page of my life

A whole new world is opening in front of me, though I am already 28 years old and counting.
Nevertheless, I still find it magical every now and then it happens...

I met them in one of my drinking sessions with Telai in Dos Balbas( which is by the way, one of my ever drinking pubs). It started with the occasional shots then we suddenly realized that  most of the people in the other table were friends (of MD). I srated going to their place hence forth.

And they really were kind. That is also the same group were I meet RJ.

I

Today is a wonderful day outside and I am here inside a very comfortable lab work bench. 

Oh yes, I am a man of science but I am just a man with a dick and a heart. 

So rather than working on my thesis outline,I've decided to take a breather by admiting someothing to those would be able to read this...

Yes, It can be considered as an addiction,but beyong what can be inserted to the body and jsut on the borderline of crazyness. 

I am an attention whore

Tracking it back to its humble beginnings, I think it all started in High school.

The period of our lives  when the jocks were the kings, the geeks were the pets, 

and well, the rich were the stars. 

It was a whole different jungle in a private catholic school, but still I persevere to get through it and manage to accomplish something for a college ticket. 

That was the awkward period of life but I think I never fully managed to let it all go.

At that time,I have always marveled at how people can be out there, armed with wittiness and such zest in life. And mind you, how they could really satisfy the limelight. 

Well,as for me , I was average, poor, and just so plain. 

Passing by College and now Grad school with work.

I realized other than people really don't give a damn but when this people choose...

I am on the lowest part of the selection. 

I though I wouldn't care nowadays but I was suprised when for the past months, it was there. 

That green monster of envy. 

I've always felt alone but I think this was the bigger picture of that feeling. 

I am still hoping for someone to choose me. No need to find me since I am really here in front. 

Well, I do know this is bad form but somehow I managing quitewell on how to mitigate this issue first, then slowly cure my self  while counting all the days that I could finally accept fully who I am so I can really move forward in a giant pacing. 

still counting though... 

the past is catching up

I accidentally met my undergrad roommate of three years today durong lunch. And I think, after all these years of continous improvement, I am still unprepared to meet my past ackward self amidst this fabulous persona that I have created and love.

I could never forget those embarassing moments when one was still socially inept about norms, proper behaviour, and necessities. I immediately drank my icedtea, hoping that I could also gulped this sheer throbbing anti self in my throat.

But still in my pondering i am thankfull that I have become something better...