Free time and Past entries

I have leisure time nowdays.
I was a lucky shot but it was worth it. hahaha.
Anyway, since I am here in my hotel room with some free time. I've decided to clean my netbook.

Interestingly, I cam across an old folder of "Journal entries". And since it I have now a regular internet connection here and even when I get back to the Philippines, I've decided to post all of them. :)
Though most of them will sound weird (I couldn't even remember why I wrote it) but I guess, it will be good for me to reflect on them and be thankful that at least, I learned my lesson and grew up as better individual.

So here is the first one:

_________
*****A plea for the monkey*******

Dear God,

When you made a man and a woman, you must have also seen these parts of the story haven’t you? People loving the same gender as what do they are. Well, I didn’t really plan this God but I am part of your brethren that commits the same abomination you have been displeased for eternity.

I am Bi.

It also very hard God to have this kind of love even though many say it’s already a part of the mundane and liberal world. Frankly, I think the people who said this are a bunch of lunatic and great pretenders; because still every day I sweat like a sinner in church just thinking about this. This is my very first love God, the very first person that I really felt giving my whole to. But now God, with all the things that happened I couldn't help but think that this is your personal way of spelling out the big capital “N-O”. I know that it should be thy word but it really pains me so much thinking how against you are with this particular happiness now that I am experiencing. I know that I lack the credentials for being a pundit Sir, but you don’t have to be this harsh. I know you’re responsible for the current situation and I don’t loath you God because you are really the truth and the way; but could you just spare my heart with this ordeal. And I want to congratulate you because you’ve won over me God (No sarcasm intended)

He didn’t take my hand. He didn’t choose me God. He neglected me because he has the people most important to him. I am sorry Sir for crying because of this but my tear ducts are closely attached to my heart.  I know I am always a second option, or for most of the time the nth option for survival. And I humbly take it. God, you created with so less of everything. I am not complaining because from the very start Sir, you know that I humbly accepted everything from the worst to the best that you can offer.  But God, I am pleading with everything that I have. Please let me have Appe for my self. Just only this once, God.  Please. I implore you.

But your will be done Father.

Should it not be a part of your plan, could you please end it as soon as possible? Because if this keep on continuing, my heart will fall more and more that I’ll be losing myself too much.

And ending it is like telling to stop breathing.

I love him so much God.

And thank you for letting me meet him;

and even learning how to unselfishly love him.