Swallowing

For the past week, I have been depressed and light hearted. I have been continuously punishing my self for all the things that I lacked and for all the stupid mistakes that I have committed. I degrade my self and felt so bitter especially on the treatment I have been getting. It was so mentally exhausting and disturbing that I went in an emotional breakdown a night ago. I never felt so alone and so unwanted that it pisses me off and at the same time, I felt such grievance and pity to my self. Tsk tsk! Such a Looney Baloney and a compete scatter brained I was that night. But I did manage to snap my self enough to go to work the next morning and act as if nothing happened. But it was another foolish mistake. I broke my self more that it self so acidic and disgusting. It was life at its worst and puking with all the maligned disturbia I had all this time.

It gathered attention to the people that I have been working with, especially my boss. I have just shrugged off reality and told her that it was due to my tendency to “over exerting” self to win the battle I am facing “AT WORK”. It was so unprofessional with me! And the real and alarming indication of my cognitive distubia was my unsmiling face. Lo and behold for the sun had lost its glow! I am but a zombie at work just working and depending wholly on motor skills to last the whole day. Then one day it finally hit me. I have been focusing on the wants instead of the needs. I have constantly berated my self about the ill treatment, unfairness, and unjust things in my life. But I AM WRONG!
The things that I lack and succumbing to have are but products of my unyielding desire. The main culprit was neither because of someone nor something, but because of ME.

I have to halt and stop this foolishness!

And so I did.


After weeks in the dark, I think I can see again the dazzling and warm light of the sun..