My Buin

I will not explain anything to anyone by loving Buin and my own ways of loving him.
Even though the people around him contest my claim and detest my ways.
I DON'T CARE.
Because I know in my heart that I love Buin so much.
I received so much love from him, a love that asks nothing in return; beyond pain and loneliness that I could only bring.

Because of this,I want to set him free.
It's very painful, but I will not stand idle and be selfish, especially if its he's happiness and future at stake.

He's life if full of turbulent days and tiring nights.
What he needs is a man who is stable,strong, benevolent, and full of love.
Unfortunately I cannot be that person yet.
Because I see my not ample enough to protect him and be the source of his strength.
I am still such an enigma of my own and demeaning callow of some sort of a bastard. I am afraid that my naivety will continously prick him and hurt him everytime I try holding him in my arms.

It feels like a total loser but I have to admit that I am not yet ready to take him by my side. I don't even know that much about my self. Ample enough to be stable and be his only solace against all odds.
I am unwilling make him be my payment for price of my self discovery.
I don't want to because that is not an option for me.
Because if that is the case, then THAT price to too exorbitant for me to pay.
I would rather loose my capability to love and seal my fate.

That is why, I want him to be free from me.
I want him to find that person who will be his gallant knight.
A knight shining against the mundane humanity both of us are a part of.
With that I pray that may his fortress cower over him to protect him;
May his undying love envelope him through those remorseful nights;
And my only wish is that THAT love will bring him life.

So until that day comes, that I have at last forged my self a shield and a sword, and gallop to him with my steed.
I will be hoping that I will still be given a chance to fight to claim him.

Because for the very most truth in my heart.
He is the one that I want to spend my life, beyond and more.