Lies (temporary)

Today, I was reprimanded by my boss because of my extra PCR work. I planned yesterday that even thought the whole country is mourning because we lost a beloved former president; I will work in the lab and I am will try to finish most of the things that I have tarried for the past two days. The reason for my lack of enthusiasm at work is quite fitted for another entry so I’ll just concentrate as what I have written as a title above.

Dr. Wei told me that as an important thing in our relationship I shouldn’t lie to him. Frankly, as based on the PCR profile issue, I didn’t really lie because I really copied the changed profile, and if something went wrong along the way it was due to my naïveté , and not because of a sly save-my-hide manipulation. The PCR profile was gone, like what happened with the DNA samples. I can no longer prove my innocence and that just about it.

But on a pensive thought, he was right about one thing, I should lie because it will only make things work if I deceive people. I was wrongly accused (because I know I really did copy the setting) but He hit the red spot on something. IT totally freaked me out it might be coming true after all.

I was conceived because of lies, I was lulled shut by lies, and my identity was even a cheated sweepstake ticket. It felt awful know that my Father nonchalantly lives without even caring about my existence, Maybe deep within my persona, I detested my self because of my sordid beginning. And I think that is why I tend to lie to most people and even my self. I hate my self, and because of that sufficient reason I wanted to lie to cover up all the scandals that define me. I wanted to break free from that bondage because I don’t want to end up my father and I definitely don’t want a child of mine feel the angst and the pang of tragedy I am tasting today in my mundane life.

My I should thank my Boss and even thank fortune because a thing like this happened. Himitsu no Hanazono was also a thing to be thankful about. I will be writing a separate entry for that, but until then… I will tell the truth and protect no one because of lies.

May be this entry will later evolve into something else..