Hello!

Now this kind of cliché but I missed you so much!

Many things have happened since I last wrote something here.

Even my journals are feeling lonesome.

Well let's start the ball rolling then.

I lost my new phone some few weeks back, so I brought a new one. The former one was a Samsung U800 and now it has been replaced by a Nokia something series.
I am still in a shock. It felt that a part of me was suddenly chopped off. It may sound strange but I really loved that phone because it was bespoke what I like in life: Simplicity, handy, capable, and elegant. But the worst part is that I will be paying for the Samsung because it was purchased using a card. So my current phone would have like cost me roughly fourteen thousand pesos. Sigh! I wish the person who found the phone was honest enough to have returned it since I lost in inside IRRI….

I am no longer active in LA and I am no longer speaking much with Kuya Jeff. This is not on an odious note but nonchalantly, I want him to have a life. Because being in LA means being vigilant and enthusiastic about everything and anything in life because you have to emanate the love of God. I am not trying to sound like a heretic, but I since he is handling so many responsibility in the center, zealously guiding the kids to God, working hard in the office, and being in the last year of his masters; I don’t think I have the heart to further burden him with the stuff that I am going through even though we have a brotherly connection. I can but I won’t. I want him to at least have some space to breath. That’ why I don’t want to give him my cell’s number because I don’t trust my self that I won’t text him at those dark times. I have to figure out a solution and not always to depend on him. I just have to learn independence. I hope he understands.

I am smoking nowadays. I am not proud of it but the nicotine is really sedating my troubled mind. Financially, emotionally, professionally, and personally I am not well. I just smile and still say that everything is all right but the truth is it is really crushing me to the very core. I think sometimes the façade is faulty since my boss (with strong motherly instinct) asked me a few times if I was okay. I have to focus and I don’t whine. So tobacco may help at least ease the depression. I know it’s a huge mistake. Frankly my body is reacting rather different for the past week but I just need it a bit more until I can think of a way to solve all of this. Sorry God, sorry Kuya, sorry to everyone.

Well gotta work! I just wrote this because I want to have a pure concentrated me on the job today, so see you!